No shade to the longtime sex position staple, but let’s be real—it’s about time you spiced things up, right? And let’s get even more real: You’ve kinda sorta always wanted to know what it might feel like to be spanked, or even slapped a little bit.
Even if you’ve never dabbled in BDSM, you probably know what impact play is—you just didn’t know that you knew. Basically, it’s a type of BDSM practice where getting struck (for example: being slapped, spanked, or punched) by another person gives you sexual pleasure, says Janet Brito, PhD, a clinical psychologist and sexologist in Honolulu.
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Of course, she notes that before engaging in impact play, it’s important to “freely consent to clearly defined terms of what the impact play will involve.” That way, you and your partner will be totally comfortable and, most importantly, no one actually gets hurt.
How can impact play give you sexual pleasure?
Whether you’re giving, receiving, or watching impact play, expect to feel sexual pleasure in one way or another. (I mean, that’s kind of the whole point, right?) Oh, and impact play isn’t just about physical pleasure—it can be about psychological pleasure, or both. Depending on what kind of impact you’re looking for, Brito suggests using paddles, floggers, hands, belts, whips, canes, or other various props.
Where does impact play fall on the BDSM spectrum?
“Impact play can range from a soft to a more intense strike—or both—depending on what each person agrees to,” Brito says. You may also want to incorporate being restrained, role play, or a give-and-take of dominance and submission.
What do you need to do before trying impact play?
Before you do anything else, Brito says to make sure you choose someone you really trust. And since this isn’t exactly something you can just spring on someone in the middle of sexytime, it’s best to talk to your sexual partner ahead of time, says Brito. “Have a dinner conversation about what the scene will look like, and what you would like to see happen, as well as your limits,” she suggests.
“It is also very important to establish informed consent before each session, and to choose a safe word.” That’ll make sure you always know when to stop, no matter what’s happening.
“Be adventurous, and know your boundaries,” she adds. “Don’t rush into anything.” That means not—repeat not—starting with a heavy strike. Instead, take it slow and easy at first. Then, “tune into each other’s needs and communicate at all times” to figure out if you should hit harder, at a different angle, or another part of the body.
Can you do impact play solo?
Yup, you sure can. “You don’t need have to have a partner,” says Brito. All you need are the right props (paddle, flogger, a belt, whips, canes, etc.) to whip your legs or back. “It might take a little bit of practice, but practice makes perfect, right?” she adds.
How can you get started with impact play?
Brito recommends newbies try the Lelo Sensua whip. “You can’t go wrong with the feel of the soft sheepskin suede tassels against your skin,” she explains. “Plus, it’s easy to hold.”
But if you’ve dabbled in other forms of BDSM, you’ll probably want something with more, well, impact (sorry, had to). Brito suggests the Tantus Tawse It Overboard. “I love that it’s multi-use, too,” she explains. “You can use the handle as a dildo! Plus, it’s easy to clean.” Before you use it on a partner, Brito recommends trying it on yourself first to get a feel of the toy’s power. Then, practice on a pillow before using it on a body.
Remember, safety is sexy. So, focus on having fun and don’t put any pressure on yourself if you’re trying impact play for the first time. You’ll get the bang of it (see what I did there?) soon enough.
Lindsay Geller is the Lifestyle Director at Women’s Health, where she oversees the Life, Sex & Love, and Relationships sections on WomensHealthMag.com and the Mind section of Women’s Health magazine. When she’s not writing or editing articles about the latest dating trends and pop culture phenomenons, she’s usually watching reality TV or playing with her dog, Lucille (Go Fetch That) Ball.
Impact play, simply put, refers to any form of impact on the body for sexual gratification purposes. Many sexual partners practice impact play the most common way, through spanking, but those who are more experienced will often bring toys into the mix or try a slew of other acts. Impact play is a prevalent kink with a wide umbrella.
Some people prefer various toys, such as whips, floggers, and paddles. Each instrument delivers a different sensation. While it can be tempting to spend money on beautiful black leather BDSM accessories, for those new to the experience, it’s best to start small and use what you have at home. Your hand is the most obvious answer, but even a kitchen spatula can double as a paddle. In addition to saving money, using what you have on you familiarizes you and your partner with where to hit on the body, how hard is comfortable, and what you’re each looking for out of a scene. Are you unsure what a “scene” means? Keep reading. Allure created a glossary of common impact play terms and what they mean. After you brush up on our kinky dictionary, learn how to negotiate with your partner, where it’s safe to hit on the body, and what kink guidelines encourage for post-play etiquette. We spoke to a New York City professional dominatrix and a sex therapist to ensure you have accurate and important information, so you can explore impact play from a place of understanding and confidence.
Common Impact Play Terms and What They Mean
Aftercare: Aftercare is post-play etiquette in which all parties check in on one another to ensure the scene was enjoyable, tend to any bruises as well as emotional needs, and communicate how all parties feel.
BDSM: BDSM stands for bondage, discipline, sadism, and masochism, and is an umbrella term for any kinky play that involves a consensual power exchange.
Bondage: Bondage is when one partner (typically the submissive) is tied up by the dominant partner. Bondage is frequently part of impact play, because tying up the submissive, who then consensually can’t move, adds to the thrill of the scene.
Dom drop and sub drop: During a BDSM scene, endorphins and adrenaline run high for all partners. As a result, like a comedown from a drug, both the submissive and dominant partner may experience a comedown immediately after or even a few days later. All parties involved have a responsibility to tend to their partner during their drop.
D/S: D/S stands for dominance and submission. Typically one partner takes on the dominant, or top role. In impact play, this is the person inflicting the spanks or other forms of play. The submissive is the bottom, or the person receiving the impact on their body.
Edge play: Edge play refers to BDSM activities that push the limit of what is considered safe, sane, and consensual. This often refers to activities involving bodily fluids and blood. Single-tail whips are considered a form of edge play as they can draw blood and inflict harm if not used correctly.
Hard limits: Your hard limits are activities that are absolutely off-limits and should be communicated to your partner prior to play.
Kink: A kink refers to any sexual interest that is outside the heterosexual vanilla norm.
Pain slut: Pain sluts are people who enjoy erotic pain.
Play: Play is a word used within the kink community to refer to any erotic activity, from penetrative intercourse to impact play.
Safe word: A safe word is a word agreed upon by all parties that indicates it’s time to immediately stop the play. A safe word is used over “stop” or “no,” as some people enjoy scenes in which they (consensually) “fight back.”
SCC: SCC stands for safe, sane, and consensual. It is another acronym for safety guidelines, although RACK is more commonly used today because what is considered safe and sane varies from person to person.
Scene: A scene refers to the time in which the agreed upon kinky play occurs.
Soft limits: Soft limits are things that you are curious about but hesitant to try. Perhaps in the future, you’ll want to try them, but as of now, it’s a no. Your limits may change with time.
Switch: A switch is someone who can literally switch and enjoy both the dominant and submissive role.
How do I talk to a partner about trying impact play?
First things first: You must negotiate and communicate with your partner about what you both desire from the experience. “For my clients who want to be slapped, or spanked with a paddle, I prefer they start the conversation days before the actual event itself,” Richmond says. She suggests an in-person conversation to discuss what you both want and what is off-limits.
Nervous about sharing your kink? “Always lead with a compliment,” Richmond suggests, “if possible, like, ‘I’m really happy with our sex life, but I saw this scene in a movie,’ or ‘I saw this scene in porn, and it really titillated me. I’m curious to try it. Could I show it to you and see what you think?'”
How do I safely try impact play for the first time?
Whether you take Aviva’s advice and use “yellow” and “red” or choose a word specific to your relationship, it’s important to have a safe word. Some people who enjoy impact play also role-play as part of a BDSM scene. “They might be into a role-play and say things like ‘no,’ or ‘stop,’ but they really want to keep going. That’s why you’d use safe words rather than ‘oh, no, that’s enough,’” Goddess Aviva explains.
In addition to communicating, you need to know where it’s safe to be hit. “You want to hit areas on the body that are fleshier and fattier,” Aviva says. “The ass, thighs, and front of the legs. You want to avoid hitting someone on their spine. You want to avoid hitting someone on the lower back where the kidneys are. You want to avoid basically any area in which you could damage organs.” If you’re into slapping, make sure to avoid the eyes, mouth, and nose, and keep a flat hand on the fleshy cheek. It’s a good idea to practice on a pillow before engaging in impact play. If you are curious about BDSM impact play toys, start small with a hand, and then work your way up to some of our favorites.
What sex toys can be incorporated into impact play?
Different toys feel different on the body. Goddess Aviva suggests starting with a crop because it’s multifunctional. “I personally love using a crop for impact play because you can angle it really well and it can go on lots of parts of the body. You can use the crop in more of a sensual teasing manner, or you can whack it down really hard,” she tells Allure. Try the Kookie Riding Crop from Babeland, $24.
If you want something harder that hits with a “thud,” opt for a paddle. “If someone is really into hard spanking, I tend to like a paddle, because you can deliver a lot of force and impact,” Aviva says. Try the Bondage Boutique Faux Leather Spanking Paddle available at Lovehoney, $20. If you’re curious about floggers, which can be gentle or extremely painful, depending on how hard you use them (do not flog a person without practice), try Lovehoney Beginner’s Flogger, $20.
Whips, despite the frequent use of their name, can actually be the most dangerous toy of them all, because longer whips can wrap around the body and cut through flesh. “Whips are always just so beautiful and I love the way they sound,” Goddess Aviva says. That said, if you’re new to this, stick with a paddle for a while. But if you or your partner absolutely know what you’re doing and are at least an intermediate, try the Bondage Boutique Faux Snakeskin Whip from Lovehoney, $30.
What is aftercare, and how do I practice it properly?
Aftercare is a word used in BDSM circles that refers to checking in with your partner post-sex, or in kink speak, after a scene has ended, to make sure you both feel good and secure with what went down. It’s an essential part of any sex that involves risk of physical harm, including impact play, and may require bringing the submissive partner (or the one who was hit) food, water, a blanket, and ice for any bruises.
Now, watch us taste test four flavored lubes:
Celeste & Danielle
7 min read
Jun 25, 2021
As you explore your kinky tendencies, your journey may lead you to the wonderful, healing world of impact play. Within this adrenaline-fueled playground await some of the most exciting and edgy expressions of desire. Prepare yourself to be wowed — and to revel in the delicious line between pleasure and pain.
Are you enticed? Impact play awaits you. Here’s your ultimate guide to bringing it all to life.
Written by Celeste & Danielle
Sex Therapy & Relationship Coaching by Celeste & Danielle, founders of the Somatica Method. https://SomaticaInstitute.com Authors: #Cockfidence, #MakingLoveReal
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Impact Play basics
Impact play has always gotten a bad rap because it is often associated with abusive partners or abusive relationships; many people don’t understand sadomasochism or that you don’t have to be a sadist or masochist to enjoy a good spanking.
What is impact play?
Impact play is consensual and something that both partners have agreed to and enjoy. As with all BDSM practices, consent is crucial, as is the negotiating process before a scene; you need to understand your partner’s soft and hard limits. There MUST be a safeword in play during the scene as your partner’s safety, and well-being is of utmost importance.
Impact play is something that sadomasochists enjoy; a sadist derives pleasure from inflicting pain on their partner, whereas a masochist enjoys receiving pain.
Impact play does not have to involve pain; it could form part of sensation play where your partner taps you lightly with the tip of a flogger on your breasts, inner thighs, buttocks, or genitals. The quick flick will increase blood flood to this area, increasing sexual arousal.
Impact play could also form part of your punishment or funishment; punishment spankings or floggings are necessary if you have broken the rules or failed to complete your tasks. Funishment is a more playful punishment that Brats will often enjoy to reign them in again.
Humiliation play could have elements of impact play form part of the scene too, where being slapped, punched, or kicked has a humiliating effect on your partner. If you are slapping, punching, or kicking your partner, it is essential to do the proper research beforehand and start off slowly. You can cause severe injury or damage to your partner if your target the wrong areas.
Impact play can be great fun as long as both partners enjoy it and have consented to it prior to play, do not participate in kinks you don’t enjoy, or get off on. Aftercare is essential with all types of play, but extra aftercare might be needed after impact play as there might be welts, bruising, or some blood. So special attention and care needs to be given to these areas, and you can apply lotion or a soothing gel to minimize the bruising and welts.
Dom/me’s need to check in regularly with their partners after the scene to make sure that they are doing well and try to help their submissive avoid subdrop if possible.
